The Joys of Modern Day Television
by djewellz
Summary: Renji discovers the joys of television, and Ichigo laughs at him. Purely a crack-fic. No pairing.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Bleach. I wish I did, but unfortunately I don't have enough money to buy it.

**Rating: **T - for language

**A/N: **Well, I got bored, lol. What can I say? I just wanted to write something short and cracky. It doesn't have a point, it doesn't have a purpose. There's not even any pairing. It's just...lol, the result of getting bored and having an itch to write something.

**Dedication: **To my bestest friend ever!! The song mentioned is "This is the New Shit" by Marilyn Manson, and it's like our favorite song ever. Seriously, there was once time when we walked around her street just listening to that song over and over. What was it, like...twenty times? XD

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The Joys of Modern-Day Television

Ichigo sat on the couch in his living room, staring down at the textbook sitting in his lap. He was attempting to study for his math test tomorrow, but with the annoying Soul Reaper seated at the other end of the couch, flipping channels on the TV, it was somewhat hard to do. Why was Renji even here? Didn't he have paperwork to do? He rolled his eyes and stared down at the quadratic equations he was supposed to be dividing.

Renji stopped on a channel for a moment, listening in to the TV. Ichigo – glad that the constant blip noise that the TV made as it changed channels had ceased, if only momentarily – sighed. He wrote the math problem down in his notebook. Okay, now onto synthetic division. So you took that number and put it out in front like that…and then you took the coefficients from the terms of the other equation…

"Ichigo, what the hell is this?" Renji asked suddenly. Ichigo scowled, having lost his concentration and looked up angrily. He glared at the red-head and then turned his attention to the TV. He rolled his eyes; somehow, Renji had found that one particular channel that didn't show anything but infomercials. "I've been watchin' this thing for a couple minutes now and I still don't get why anybody would need that."

"It's an infomercial, Renji, no one needs the stuff they're tryin' to sell," Ichigo said, looking back down at his math problem.

"But who needs a special thing to trim your nose hair?" Renji asked.

"Because some people have problems with their nose hair, I don't know!" Ichigo said, his voice rising. "Just change the fuckin' channel if you don't understand!"

"Geez, no need to get so angry," Renji muttered, flipping the channel. "It was just a question."

"And I'm tryin' to study for a test I have tomorrow!" Ichigo said. "It's bad enough that you're here! Why can't you go fuck around in Soul Society?! Gah!" He irritably threw his eraser at the Soul Reaper.

"What was that for?" Renji asked, starting to get annoyed.

"Just shut up and watch the tube," Ichigo said.

Renji didn't respond, instead clicking the "channel up" button on the remote. Soon enough, the blipping sound became rampant. Ichigo used the opportunity to solve his current math problem, and then move on to the next one. Man, he hated dividing. Why couldn't you just use a calculator? What the fuck did people use the division of quadratic functions for anyways?

Suddenly, a very bad feeling grew in his stomach when he heard the television stop on another channel. This one had very strange noises coming from it: cursing, screaming, the beeping of medical monitors…what the hell? He looked up to see what Renji was watching. To his surprise, it was one of those shows that followed a pregnant woman around and then taped her having a baby. Why people wanted to watch that, he didn't know. He looked over at Renji and snickered at the horrified expression on the red-head's face.

"Is that what happens when girls have kids?" Renji asked, his face paling.

Ichigo couldn't keep it to mere snickers at that comment. He burst out laughing, throwing his head back so hard that it knocked against the back of the couch. "You seriously thought a stork brought 'em or something?"

"Oh, shut up," Renji said, looking away. He frowned and then glared at the TV. "Why the hell do people watch this kinda shit?" he demanded. "Who wants to see this? This is so graphic – do little kids watch this stuff?"

"I didn't know you cared about kids that much, Renji!" Ichigo said, still sniggering as he returned to his studying.

"I don't," Renji said. "But if I were a kid and I was watchin' that…it'd scare me shitless! I'd never wanna knock up anybody!"

Ichigo rolled his eyes as the red-head shuddered and changed the channel again. Once again, silence resumed as Renji surfed the channels. However, the interlude between the times when he stopped to survey a particular show was getting more and more frequent. He stopped on a channel that was playing a music video. The loud music was blaring through the speakers, and Ichigo was suddenly very glad that his family wasn't home.

_"Are you motherfuckers ready?!  
For the new shit?  
Stand up and admit -  
Tomorrow's never coming!  
This is the new shit!  
Stand up and admit!"_

"Who the fuck is that?" Renji asked, his eyes glued to the television. Ichigo looked up and snorted. Renji looked over at him. "He looks like a freak! And is that…is that fuck-up wearin' lipstick?? What the fuck is up with that?! I thought only girls – and Yumichika – wore that kinda shit!"

"That's Marilyn Manson," Ichigo said. "And yeah…he's a freak."

Renji shuddered again and then flipped the TV off. Ichigo looked over at him quizzically. "What'd you turn it off for?" he asked. "I thought you said you were bored."

Renji looked at him as if he were crazy. "Are you kiddin' me?" he asked. "After all the shit I saw on that thing, you really think I wanna watch it?" He shook his vehemently. "This TV thing is dangerous, Ichigo. You should really be careful."

Ichigo couldn't help but smile a bit. "I'll keep that in mind."


End file.
